Почему Я Не “Люблю” Нью Йорк

Не так давно я выставила в своем Инстаграм фото с подписью, которая вызвала большой ажиотаж среди моих подписчиков: почему я не люблю Нью Йорк. Вдохновленная своим раздражением от фразы “как можно не любить Нью Йорк”, я решила развить это тему и рассказать вам больше о городе, в котором живу уже пятый год.
Впервые я приехала сюда на лето, будучи еще подростком. Сразу влюбилась в то, что у всех здесь есть “свое” место, даже у тех, кто прожил в НЙ лишь неделю. И, конечно, Пятая авеню, апартаменты в Верхнем Вестсайд, работать в Старбакс и каждый вечер наблюдать за закатом в Централ Парке, поедая роллы из Whole Foods, – как можно было не придти в восторг от этого? Провести здесь лето (которое является худшим сезоном в НЙ) было тем опытом, который остался со мной и во мне настолько ярким, что с тех самых пор я вбила себе в голову, что однажды я хочу здесь жить. Не просто проводить лето, а лето, осень, зиму и весну – много-много лет подряд.
Сказано – сделано. В начале января 2013го года мой самолет Москва – Нью Йорк приземлился в JFK. Хочу сразу расставить все точки: я не прилетела в НЙ с мужем или к мужу, у меня нет здесь родственников и не было друзей. Я прилетела учиться – получать степень Магистра. Все.
А теперь к главному: почему я не люблю НЙ и надеюсь, что однажды смогу переехать отсюда в другое место. Дабы не превращать этот пост в сплошной поток разочарованного нытья, во второй части расскажу вам о том, что здесь есть хорошего.
Культура. Пожалуй, для меня это то, чем я не могу поступиться ради чего бы то ни было. В Америке как таковой культурой не пахнет (что бы ни говорили южане, гордые своими корнями, их предки так же были преступниками, маргиналами и деклассированными элементами), но в НЙ это бескультурье доходит до совершенно нового, ужасного уровня. Из-за того, что это город иммигрантов, каждый из которых тащит что-то свое и думает лишь о себе, в НЙ проще найти игральные карты на дороге, чем хоть какой-то намек на культуру (надеюсь, вы понимаете, что я вкладываю в это понятие). Помните, о чем мечтал Александр Македонский, создавая свою эллинскую культуру? Он мечтал о смешении культур, которое создадут новую. И все мы знаем, чем это закончилось.
Люди. Окей, обычно принято считать, что все люди разные – это не так. Многие заявляют, что предпочитают улыбчивость американцев неприветливости наших соотечественников. Не обольщайтесь – с улыбкой или без, вам воткнут нож в спину, повернут его, вытащат и еще раз воткнут. Для меня эта улыбчивость вообще смертельна: я не умею читать лица\интонации\жесты, а уж когда они еще и делают вид, что ты им нравишься… Финиш. Впрочем, НЙ – это не Америка, так что здесь тоже особо улыбчивых прохожих не наблюдается – потому что иммигранты.
Отношения. Это вообще гремучий лес. Могу сказать честно: за четыре с половиной года я так и не нашла друзей (кроме одной чудесной девочки из Москвы, с которой меня свел университет). У меня есть приятели, знакомые – но никому из них я бы не стала рассказывать о том, что у меня на душе. Конечно, в Москве у меня тоже не гарем друзей, но Москва подарила мне людей, которым я доверяю, которых я называю друзьями по сю пору.
Свидания. Очень хотела промолчать, но раз уж ведем разговор… В Москве все просто: “ты мне очень нравишься, давай будем вместе” – все, у вас отношения. Вы строите жизнь вместе, вы проводите время вместе, вы все делаете вместе и у вас нет вопроса “кто мы?” У американцев есть разница между понятиями dating и relationship. Вы можете спать вместе полгода и все еще не быть in relationship. Для меня это, пожалуй, второй по непреодолимости пункт после отсутствия культуры.
Природа. Точнее, ее отсутствие. Конечно, те, кто меня знают, сейчас очень посмеются, но мне не хватает огромных многовековых деревьев, лесов, гор… Единственный зеленый кусок Манхэттана это Центральный парк, которого категорически не хватает. Везде бетон, бетон, бетон и уже нет сил смотреть на него. Даже океан за моим окном не может компенсировать этого. Климат вообще не мой: почти несуществующая осень, удушающая жара летом и отсутствие лежащего снега зимой.
Архитектура. Что ни дом, то зуб в носу (цитата). Я предпочитаю Вилладж и Парк Слоуп – лишь потому, что они построены голландцами и несут в себе хоть какой-то дух. А уж про небоскребы я молчу, ибо вид с пятидесятого этажа великолепен, но вид на эти самые небоскребы с земли просто отвратителен.
Из бытового. Во-первых, нереальные цены на жилье. Людей много, жилья мало – окей, но не до степени, где люди платят $4.5k за студию в Верхнем Истсайд в 20 минутах пешей прогулки до ближайшей станции метро. Кстати о жилье: скорее всего, придется привыкать к тому, что толщины стен не хватает, чтобы вы не слышали большую часть того, что делают ваши соседе. Во-вторых, медицина – ладно, в Москве сейчас тоже пздц творится, но в Москве вы можете позволить и брекеты поставить, и сделать флюрографию, и просто проконсультироваться с геникологом – и при этом вам не придется следующие полгода питаться чипсами, потому что ни на что другое денег не осталось.
Есть еще много нюансов, но время перейти к чему-то позитивному.
Доступность. Хотите пиццу в два ночи? Пожалуйста. Не успеваете сходить в продуктовый? Амазон или еще с десяток магазинов доставят ваши овощи-фрукты-мясо уже на следующий день. То же самое касается и людей – при желании, вы можете “случайно” столкнуться с кем угодно.
Заведения – от ресторана гаитянской кухни до китайского магазина, где можно сделать фото ауры и до кафе, где вам сделают ред велвет латте и нарисуют на нем такую прелесть, что ваш инстаграм взорвется от умиления.
Отношение к окружающим: конечно, здесь не Сан Франциско, но фриков хватает – так что вы можете спокойно ходить по улица в странных прикидах, с разноцветными волосами, в обнимку с Джеффри Стар – никто вам ничего не скажет и даже не набьет морду (если только вас не занесет в Бронкс или Гарлем). Это не значит, что вас не станут осуждать – просто никто не скажет этого в глаза.
Иногда я просто просыпаюсь и чувствую, как хорошо, что я здесь – и это нормально. Мне нравится Нью Йорк, это отличный город для туризма и бизнеса. Просто я не люблю его и не чувствую здесь себя дома – вот и ответ “как можно не любить НЙ?”

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Winter Favorites 2017

Better late than never, right? This winter brought many changes into my live, some of them quite dichotomic, so I’m a bit late with my winter favorites. However, I have a few things that I’ve been loving for the past three months and want to share my thoughts on them with you, guys.
SKINCARE
For starters, I must admit that it’s hard for me to find a good skincare but this season I finally got lucky.
Pour Moi new climate control skincare line just saved my life. In New York, the heating season comes late, but it comes hard. Usually, I would wake up because my skin is super dry. I’ve been using serum paired with day/night cream, and my skin felt so good and hydrated.
Vichy Thermal Water is another life saver for me during the heating season – as well as hot summer days. I’m more of La Roche Posay fan, but this spray by Vichy got the job done.
Deep Steep Hand Cream in Frosted Plum has been keeping my hands soft and moisturized – and, it smells so freaking good, it’s too bad it was limited addition.
HAIR
Since I’ve discovered Nexxus dry shampoo I’ve stopped the hunt but this December I tried Oscar Blandi dry shampoo, and it’s great – and doesn’t have such a strong scent as Nexxus.
MAKEUP
BH Cosmetics is a brand I’ve honestly haven’t heard about before this January when I saw a Youtube video with a tutorial using their Gorgeous Greens eye palette. Must admit, not a big fan of glitters but the colors are gorgeous, and shadows are very pigmented and blend easily.
Stila Liquid Lipstick in Lume is a gorgeous berry shade – the only lipstick I’d wear this winter except my old time favorite Ciate London in Diva. It won’t survive a dinner, but it doesn’t dry out my lips, so I’m fine with re-applying it occasionally.
Dior Nude Air Foundation is probably the best foundation I’ve ever tried. It has such a perfectly natural finish – you only need to apply good moisturizer before. I’m in a shade 01 – the lights, but it’s still dark for me, so I mix it with the white foundation by NYX.
NAILS
Won’t talk too much – Zoya nail polishes in shades Hannah and Janel are my all-time favorites, and I’ve been wearing them most of the time.
CLOTHES
I didn’t wear this gorgeous pompom beanie by Club Monaco, but it’s so beautiful, and I’m so in love with it, so I had to show it to you guys.
This sweatshirt (HM) is actually 2 years old, and I’m wearing it only on Christmas and New Year – because why not. Isn’t this kitty adorable?
PERFUME
Roja Dove.. do I need to tell more? It’s a bit dark, a bit floral, a bit musky – I’m not in love, but I’m definitely intrigued.
008 Lait De Coco is the very delicate scent that you won’t smell unless you get very close – and that’s the point, right? It smells just like coconut water and is perfect for everyday wear.
RANDOM
I just couldn’t go without mentioning this adorable mug that I’ve bought at the local Walgreens. It’s so cute I just can’t!

Best of NYFW Fall 2017 Collections

This season, I didn’t have time and, honestly, much desire to go to many NYFW shows (which I regret). However, I’ve been still following this fashion week’s shows (thanks to my friends and Instagram), so I’ve picked a few amazing looks that I’ve totally felt for and here to share my personal thought on the upcoming trends and styles. 

Few quick notes: for Fall 2017, designers suggest us to wear heavy fur coats paired with more light weighted dresses, oversized pieces, leather and heavy knots. Embroideries are still a thing for gowns and night outfits, so are sequins and metallics. 

I wanna start with a bunch of dresses by Marchesa, which is probably one of my top-5 favorite brands of all times. The dresses are so beautiful, delicate, elegant and sensual that any woman will look gorgeous wearing them. Nili Lotan‘s collection reminded me of the beginning of 2000’s with all those oversized silhouettes, clear colors and mixed fabrics. When Bella Hadid modeling, everything falls into places. I’m usually not a big fan of Anna Sui, but this particular collection reminds me of my life to Arabian motives that I’ve been using on my clothes when I was about 13-14 years old. Heavy fabrics mixed with silk and rich colors – that’s my Arabian dream came true.J.Mendel collection just caught me by surprise with the amazing combination of light-weight gowns and heavy fur coats. Can I just say, I’m in love?Alice+Olivia is one of those brands that you usually think is suitable only for hipsters, Instagram bloggers and teenagers and this season it’s a complete true (lol). But I actually love the edgy glam of these clothing.When you need to look sexy, elegant and sophisticated – it’s only Zac Posen.Dennis Basso took the choker game to the next level with the collection of fur chokers paired with gorgeous silk gowns and heavy fur coats.Oscar de la Renta… I’ve expected so much more from this collection and was so disappointed to see all the same lines and styles we’ve seen many times in last few seasons. This is the only look I genuiny liked (because I’m a sucker for the oversized coats and no-shoulder tops).Badgley Mishka‘s sequined clothes are my personal sort of (oops). The Fall 2017 collection was a bit dark yet chic and gorgeous and had outfits that are appropriate for many types of occasions.This season’s Carolina Herrera‘s collection took my heart. It’s classic, a bit dark, simple and reminds me of a private school’s uniform – all things I love.Escada Fall 2017 is something I personally enjoyed because of the 80’s vibes that reminded me of old New York’s fashion and 9 1/2 weeks movie. Simple pieces, amazing fabrics and clear cuts are perfect for a cozy autumn in a city.

Staying Healthy And Fit With Silver Fern’s Ultimate Probiotic Complex and Elevated Plan

If you guys know me just a bit, you know that I’m a restaurant food queen. However, recently I’ve started to change my eating habits and discovered the Silver Fern brand and decided to give these products a try.
As someone who loves snacking, I enjoyed that they have some great (and healthier)options for snacks I usually go for: like popcorn, chocolate covered almonds, dark chocolate flats, and bars – all highly packed with healthy nutritious. I have the biggest sweet tooth ever, so I’ve started with the baking mixes and made myself double chocolate brownies. Honestly, I can’t tell the difference as it tasted as good as the ones I usually buy at my local coffee shop but packed with high protein and high fiber.
Besides all the snacks, I really liked the ultimate probiotic supplement and probiotic drink mix. Probiotics are very important for our health (as I’ve learned), the Ultimate Probiotic complex has an amazing blend of three different classes of nature’s probiotics – spores, probiotic yeast, and acid stable pediococcus. So, what prebiotics can do and why are they good for our health?
– Improves digestion and food tolerance
– Reduce gas, bloating and digestive discomfort
– Aid in recovery of the flora after antibiotic use
– Support nutrient absorption
– Reduce inflammation
– Improves favorable immune response and supports the reduction of allergies and asthma
– Improves regularity of bowel movements
– Acidify the digestive tract to support the growth of good bacteria
But honestly, my favorite from this brand is Elevated Plan that helps with weight loss – okay, we all need to loose a few pounds, right? This plan can be used as a diet itself, or you can add it as an enhancement to your own diet. It helps to lose weight permanently (wich is the most important), improves gut health, it reduces your sugar cravings and boosts your metabolism – that leads to the weight loss.
I’ve already started with the prebiotic supplements and encourage all you guys to check these products for yourself!

Why I Don’t Believe In Feminism

Okay, I’m expecting something like “unfollowing you everywhere,” “you’re stupid b*tch” and so on, so on. Whatever. Recently, my Instagram feed got taken over by posts on feminism walk (march, whatever) and I seriously got tired of all these crap. I won’t even tell how ridiculous was old slut, Madonna, fighting for her right to stay a slut (okay, that’s harsh).
So, why I’m not a feminist in any case? I don’t believe we’re equal – not the way feminism reclaims it to be. I believe that we all are equal as human beings, we all deserve love and happiness, but not in social life. Maybe it’s my genes that tell me that social equality has never existed and won’t ever exist in future. There will always be servants and masters, and there always will be inequality. The same goes for women and men equality: we are different, why should we act and be treated alike? I’m a woman, and I want to be treated like a one.
It’s cool that I can vote (I never voted). It’s cool I can work as engineer, mechanic or locksmith – I never will. All of these I’ll trade for the society, where men offer a woman a seat, carry her bags and where there are no such things as Dutch dates.
Feminism didn’t bring anything that worth losing the chivalry as a way of life: home abuse – here; rapes – checked; disrespect – already here. Yes, a woman can sue her husband for beating the shit out of her (unlikely, considering the statistics) but it won’t change that fact that he actually put his hand on a woman.
And, honestly, I’m fine with my 79 cents until I feel like a woman when I’m with my man.

signs of toxic relationships. screw it. how it feels to be in a toxic relationship

Honestly, I’ve been hesitating to sit down and write this post for months. It’s not only a deeply emotional topic for me to talk to – it’s also something, that most people don’t want to hear (read) about. But if there is something that I’ve learned throughout these years – is that you need to share, you need to talk and not to keep everything yo yourself. I can’t say exactly when and how (and even why) it started, but for many, many years I just couldn’t talk to people about what was bothering me. Moreover, sometimes I even didn’t want to share what I’ve been up lately. I knew, it wasn’t right – but that’s just how it was.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m a true believer that personal things should always stay private. No photos of you cuddling your partner on social media, no whipping to your girlfriend about how your partner doesn’t buy your flowers or how you didn’t have sex for weeks. These should stay between you and him (her). What I mean when say “share” is that you need to tell someone that you’re unhappy. That someone or something hurts you. Actually, you have to tell somebody that there is a person in your life that hurts you – emotionally or physically.

But the reality behind the toxic relationships is that they gradually take you away from people, from those, who could somehow help you.

At some point, you just realize that there is no one you could talk to, there is no one to call when you feel that you can’t bare it anymore. Things can be even worth: after months and years that you were keeping your pain in secret, you don’t know how to start telling people the truth. You think that no one will take you seriously because they don’t know that you’ve been suffering all these time – for many of them, your life might even seem perfectly fine. But not for you.
When I first realized, that the relationships that I was in weren’t normal, I started doing researches. I read forums, articles and watched so many videos about different sorts of dysfunctional relationships, which in the end I was even more confused, scared and powerless than I was. I took many many (many) years to get out of the relationships that almost crushed me. I didn’t realize it then, but my eating disorder and bpd went so crazy because every single day I felt like I’m standing by a volcano. Every single day I would wake up, and my first thought was “please, may this day end faster.” I lost all my friends. I lost myself. I became one of those people that I always despised: weak, dependent and pathetic. I lost everything good that was in me; nothing interested me, and there weren’t a single thing that I cared about. I became an empty shallow.
But you know what? Everything ends, and these relationships have ended, too. Even though I’m not even close to being fine, the recovery process has started.
Anyways, I don’t want this post to be my autobiography. But there is a thing, which I want to share with you because my researches (in the end) helped me a lot. If you’re not sure if you are in toxic relationships – or just unhappy ones – you might find these common signs of not healthy relationships handy. Just make sure you’re not overthinking it: as soon as you realize that your relationships are toxic, just quit. And only after you quit you can cry, breakdown or whatever.
1. You always feel bad
You feel bad about yourself, your life, the world around you – but mostly, you feel bad about your relationships. You’re feeling unhappy being with this person – but for some reason, you can’t just walk away.
2. You’re dependent on that person
You’re suffering, you promise yourself: this is it, I’m just done. I won’t call/text him. And here you are: dialing that damn number already knowing that no one will answer – or that you will feel worse after the conversation.
3. You feel abused
Physically, verbally, emotionally – abuse is abuse. This person doesn’t respect you; he doesn’t give a shit what you want, and will never step out of his way to make you happy. You’ll say to this person “please, stop doing this, you’re hurting me.” And he won’t ever stop. Ever.
4. You have no one beside this person
You can’t tell anyone that you’re not okay. All you friends (if any even exist) think that you have great relationships and that makes it even worse. But most likely, you have no friends, no social life, no hobbies… No nothing. You are alone. And that toxic person is the only one who you have at the end of the day.
5. You always come back for more
You’ve tried to break up many times – but here you are, still stuck in this relationships like in quicksand. You know that all that awaits you in future is suffer, but you can’t walk away. Just can’t.
And last (should be first), you’ve lost yourself. You became a person you would never want to become, every time you see your reflection you see a stranger – a disgusting stranger that you never want to meet again.

2017 lifestyle essentials

First blog post of the year… sounds unbelievable. It means It’s been almost a year since I first started this blog. I’ve been thinking a lot what to write about and decided to share with you a few things that I got during this Holiday season and planning on using in the upcoming year.
Daniele Wellington Watch
I don’t usually wear watches (as I don’t use them) but I like the simple design and good quality so I couldn’t say no to this duo with a cuff bracelet. Plus, you can use code XXRAI to get additional 15% off your order. 
Jose Eber
The straightening brush is something that I have only recently tried and fell in love ith. I don’t have unruly hair, but I like how it makes my hair thicker.
Moshi Powerbank
Having an iPhone means a necessity always to have a charger with you. I had a lot of portable chargers, but this one is my favorite so far as it has built in cables that won’t tangle up in my handbag.
Coloring books
I first discovered an anti-stress coloring book two years ago, but this year I want to use it more often. I chose this Harry Potter one – for obvious reasons.
52 lists project
I was doing in in 2016, and now I will be doing next version, 52 lists to happiness. This is a yearly book with each week’s lists that help you to reflect, unwind and live mindful.
Happy Socks
I just recently started wearing socks at home, and have decided to wear something fun and colorful just to cheer up a bit.

Tell me now about your choices for 2017 in terms of everyday life essentials.